Hello

Hi, its been awhile. I've been neglecting this blog alot since i've had too much going on in my life. 

Oh boy, where do i even start. I wish i knew how to put what i felt in words. But i can't. I never knew just expressing my own feelings would be so difficult. I don't know how things are going to end up after this. What i end up doing. What i decide to do. I really have no darn clue. My life is pretty much fucked up to a huge extend that i think by the time i get home my phone may get confiscated. But i deserve it. 

Theres no use fighting anymore. Fighting over my rights but always fucking things up over and over again. What kind of daughter am i? I turned out to be the daughter my parents claimed me to be. The kind of person i never expected to become. Someone i despised to ever be. I used to be so different. I was curious yes, but i was so so different. I thought i'd end up totally fine, calm and doing well. But here i am, so many years later, as a fucked up human being. 

I have a whole list of things that make me a horrible fucked up person. And i wish i could explain, but i just cannot find the words. 

All i do is cause trouble for everyone. Trouble always ends up finding its way to me someway or another. Today, i ruined my friendship with almost every person that i care about. I ruined my relationship. I ruined everything. My parents, Hafiiz, Fitri, Akeef, Iman, everyone. Maryam and Aina are still right beside me, helping me out. But i feel, like i don't even deserve to feel. 

All everyone did, was just care for me. Be there for me. Listen to me. Yet i managed to mess everything up. But how am i not shocked? I did this to myself. I didn't think about the consequences.