Hope

9.30 AM

Hi there. Well, things has been okay i guess. I tried to make things between me and Arman okay yesterday, but i made it worse. What was i actually hoping for? Actually hoping that things would be okay. Things would go back to normal. Seeing his sincere smile everyday. Getting daily selfies. Hearing his comforting voice. Sigh. I really miss it, no kidding. But i guess life has to go on? My eyes hurt because of crying too much its crazy. I gained an extra eyelid on my left eye because of crying. And it looks very very weird.

Arman said, he wanted to repair himself. His relationship to Allah, to himself, to his family. I guess i can't really get mad at him for that. He got his mind set. He wants to change. I should be happy for him. I really should. But i guess moving on, isn't as easy as i hoped. I suddenly decided to open his blog, after so so so soooo long. And read a post he posted on January 2014. Wow. Times has passed. I wish i read it earlier, i really did. How he felt.... I bet he doesn't feel the same way anymore. Well.. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't.

I can't forget it. All the memories. The calls, skype, trips, everything. I can't forget it. It hurt me so much just to even think about them again, because i know it won't happen again. But we never know, right? If it happens, it happens.

11.47 AM

I've been doing my pattern, and so far, at least i'm working on one. My ideas are very basic and "baby girl" like. I really like them tho. Very. I've been thinking about Arman again. Alot of times. Sigh. I've been listening to music and dancing. Trying to cheer myself up. I don't want to cry anymore. He wants me to be happy. So i should. So only then he will be happy.

I promised myself a week ago, i will change. I accomplished a few things so far (alhamdullilah) but i can be better. I will be the woman he aims to be with. I will. Definitely. Sarah hwaiting!