Thoughts
1.22 PM
Hi there. I decided not to go to school today, because i think i just needed time to think. And i'd rather do work at home, rather than doing it at school where its hot and stuffy. I went out to buka with Arman yesterday, which was nice. Its been quite a long time since i've seen him.
How did it go? Well, it started of with me getting sent to the station by my classmate. I didn't want to be late so i asked for her help to send me to the station with her motorcycle (WHICH WAS HELLA FUN OK I LOVE HOW TO FEELS TO BE ON A MOTORBIKE). After that, i changed and got ready at Wangsa Maju Station and took the train with Zaffy to KLCC. He didn't follow, of course. Arman couldn't call me, because his phone got barred. But as i was going to go and buy top up, he called with his friends handphone and asked me where i was. And told me to meet him infront of Kino.
Believe me... My heart couldn't stop thumping and beating at an abnormal rate. I was so nervous, it felt like it was the first time meeting him. Since i took the escalator from the ground floor, it helped my heart be more at ease but i was still nervous. When i arrived at the top floor, i saw him. He was wearing a denim shirt and black jeans. And he just.. looked so.. ashdsld. Well, i was definitely happy. But i just didn't want to be excited, since... We were just friends. We greeted each other, and i swear it was really awkward at first. He asked me if i wanted him to carry my bag because it was heavy, but i told him no. Because the word "friends" kept flashing in my brain... We walked around for a bit and decided to catch a movie and got tickets for Minions at 5.40 pm. And so, we decided to go to Kino and talk. He didn't say anything i didn't expect him to. But it was kind of disappointing... But really isn't anything i could do about it. He told me how he felt, about us. About his feelings. He told me we need space to grow, and that we needed to be apart to do so because with each other by our side, we couldn't discover ourself. Tbh, i really don't feel that way... I believe that if we want to change, no matter what or who is distracting us, we can do it. But i guess he just believes that i discovered more of myself in these 3 weeks that we've been apart. He did ask me, how i felt or what was going through my head. But i didn't want to tell him, because i know what he'll say. "Be strong", "keep smiling", "you will go through it", "just berdoa and pray". I just want us to be together... And be strong together and grow together.
After the talk, we went to pray and catch the movie. And i was tired somehow.. So i was sleepy throughout the movie. We went in the movie around.... 40 minutes late because we were talking and we got popcorn and drinks. At one part of the movie, Arman guided my head to his shoulder so i had something to lean on. And i felt so at peace... Its been so so long... Since i felt at ease. It felt really nice that i wanted it to last... But of course it couldn't and the movie ended at around 7.10 pm. Since it wasn't time to break fast yet, we went down to the food court and Arman met some of his debate seniors and we sat with them. Oh boy was i awkward..... It made me think, of how Arman is, and how i am. And how different we are. I was awkward, shy and immature. While he was smart, loud and friendly. We were two completely different people, and i felt like i just didn't fit into his crowd.
Arman invited me to go and find food with him and he went for fish ball noodles, which was really cute because i remember stealing it from him went we went to eat at the food court months ago. He even kept teasing me about it everytime we went out to eat. Not that day tho.
But he did keep pushing me to eat... But i really didn't feel like eating. I just didn't feel like doing anything. I just wanted to spend time with him. So when he was eating i drank water. He asked me alot of times if i wanted some, but i declined. My tummy really didn't feel like eating at all... It felt like the first few times when we first met, i was too nervous that i couldn't eat anything.
After eating, we decided to go and pray at Avenue K and walked around after. I told him that i wanted to send him back, because i wanted to sit and talk. And i wanted alone time, i really really did... I wanted to talk inside his car, but yeah... Didn't want to tell him that. So we took the train to Gombak, and just looking at him... Made me happy. He barely did anything, but he just radiates so much happiness to me. After we arrived at Gombak, he said he wanted to go the toilet. And so i waited outside. And the tears, couldn't be kept any longer. It just flowed out. The emotions, just flooded out and i couldn't stop. Everything that happened that day, and Arman saying that maybe we won't meet for a long time. I just couldn't handle it. I missed him, i missed us, i missed everything. He suddenly appeared and hugged me and... It just felt so warm. He felt so warm. I felt so happy... But i knew the happiness was temporary. So i just pushed him away and walked away. But he didn't want to leave just yet. He wanted to talk about it. But i really didn't... Because i knew what he wanted/will say. Its nothing i didn't hear in the span of 3 weeks. He tried to hug me again, but i pushed him away again. I just couldn't handle it and i knew if i did, i didn't want to let go even more.
I told him i wanted to talk outside and so he just followed me out and we went to talk. I really couldn't stare into his eyes without having the past 1 year 6 months pass through my head. I missed him so much and i knew we wouldn't happen again anytime soon. And so i tried to be happier and smiled. He told me to "smile" and said he wasn't worth the tears. It hurt me more than it did earlier but i didn't want to tell him. I really didn't. After awhile, we bid our goodbyes and i just walked into the scanner thing and just walked ahead. I really couldn't look back without wanting to run back into his arms... After i arrived upstairs, i just kept staring at the parking lot, just hoping i'd see him walk by. But i didn't at all. I missed 2 trains, but he still wasn't there. I went back downstairs, hoping to see him downstairs, but he wasn't. I was disappointed, but what was i actually hoping for?
I went back at around 9.40 pm, and the train was really quiet. When i wanted to exchange the train from Masjid Jamek to BTS, 3 guys blocked my way when i wanted to go in and just stared at me. After a few seconds he let me pass and laughed at his guy friend.
Tbh, i kind of thought Arman would've sent me back. Even parents and best friends thought so. But he had a curfew and he had debate trainings. I can't blame him for that.
I took the taxi back home and arrived at around 10.30 - 10.40 pm. And the memories of that day and past dates decided to flood my mind again. I slept around 12 - 1 am last night, just thinking.
What am i actually expecting?
Hi there. I decided not to go to school today, because i think i just needed time to think. And i'd rather do work at home, rather than doing it at school where its hot and stuffy. I went out to buka with Arman yesterday, which was nice. Its been quite a long time since i've seen him.
How did it go? Well, it started of with me getting sent to the station by my classmate. I didn't want to be late so i asked for her help to send me to the station with her motorcycle (WHICH WAS HELLA FUN OK I LOVE HOW TO FEELS TO BE ON A MOTORBIKE). After that, i changed and got ready at Wangsa Maju Station and took the train with Zaffy to KLCC. He didn't follow, of course. Arman couldn't call me, because his phone got barred. But as i was going to go and buy top up, he called with his friends handphone and asked me where i was. And told me to meet him infront of Kino.
Believe me... My heart couldn't stop thumping and beating at an abnormal rate. I was so nervous, it felt like it was the first time meeting him. Since i took the escalator from the ground floor, it helped my heart be more at ease but i was still nervous. When i arrived at the top floor, i saw him. He was wearing a denim shirt and black jeans. And he just.. looked so.. ashdsld. Well, i was definitely happy. But i just didn't want to be excited, since... We were just friends. We greeted each other, and i swear it was really awkward at first. He asked me if i wanted him to carry my bag because it was heavy, but i told him no. Because the word "friends" kept flashing in my brain... We walked around for a bit and decided to catch a movie and got tickets for Minions at 5.40 pm. And so, we decided to go to Kino and talk. He didn't say anything i didn't expect him to. But it was kind of disappointing... But really isn't anything i could do about it. He told me how he felt, about us. About his feelings. He told me we need space to grow, and that we needed to be apart to do so because with each other by our side, we couldn't discover ourself. Tbh, i really don't feel that way... I believe that if we want to change, no matter what or who is distracting us, we can do it. But i guess he just believes that i discovered more of myself in these 3 weeks that we've been apart. He did ask me, how i felt or what was going through my head. But i didn't want to tell him, because i know what he'll say. "Be strong", "keep smiling", "you will go through it", "just berdoa and pray". I just want us to be together... And be strong together and grow together.
After the talk, we went to pray and catch the movie. And i was tired somehow.. So i was sleepy throughout the movie. We went in the movie around.... 40 minutes late because we were talking and we got popcorn and drinks. At one part of the movie, Arman guided my head to his shoulder so i had something to lean on. And i felt so at peace... Its been so so long... Since i felt at ease. It felt really nice that i wanted it to last... But of course it couldn't and the movie ended at around 7.10 pm. Since it wasn't time to break fast yet, we went down to the food court and Arman met some of his debate seniors and we sat with them. Oh boy was i awkward..... It made me think, of how Arman is, and how i am. And how different we are. I was awkward, shy and immature. While he was smart, loud and friendly. We were two completely different people, and i felt like i just didn't fit into his crowd.
(I didn't have a photo so i took it with my laptop TT^TT)
Arman invited me to go and find food with him and he went for fish ball noodles, which was really cute because i remember stealing it from him went we went to eat at the food court months ago. He even kept teasing me about it everytime we went out to eat. Not that day tho.
But he did keep pushing me to eat... But i really didn't feel like eating. I just didn't feel like doing anything. I just wanted to spend time with him. So when he was eating i drank water. He asked me alot of times if i wanted some, but i declined. My tummy really didn't feel like eating at all... It felt like the first few times when we first met, i was too nervous that i couldn't eat anything.
After eating, we decided to go and pray at Avenue K and walked around after. I told him that i wanted to send him back, because i wanted to sit and talk. And i wanted alone time, i really really did... I wanted to talk inside his car, but yeah... Didn't want to tell him that. So we took the train to Gombak, and just looking at him... Made me happy. He barely did anything, but he just radiates so much happiness to me. After we arrived at Gombak, he said he wanted to go the toilet. And so i waited outside. And the tears, couldn't be kept any longer. It just flowed out. The emotions, just flooded out and i couldn't stop. Everything that happened that day, and Arman saying that maybe we won't meet for a long time. I just couldn't handle it. I missed him, i missed us, i missed everything. He suddenly appeared and hugged me and... It just felt so warm. He felt so warm. I felt so happy... But i knew the happiness was temporary. So i just pushed him away and walked away. But he didn't want to leave just yet. He wanted to talk about it. But i really didn't... Because i knew what he wanted/will say. Its nothing i didn't hear in the span of 3 weeks. He tried to hug me again, but i pushed him away again. I just couldn't handle it and i knew if i did, i didn't want to let go even more.
I told him i wanted to talk outside and so he just followed me out and we went to talk. I really couldn't stare into his eyes without having the past 1 year 6 months pass through my head. I missed him so much and i knew we wouldn't happen again anytime soon. And so i tried to be happier and smiled. He told me to "smile" and said he wasn't worth the tears. It hurt me more than it did earlier but i didn't want to tell him. I really didn't. After awhile, we bid our goodbyes and i just walked into the scanner thing and just walked ahead. I really couldn't look back without wanting to run back into his arms... After i arrived upstairs, i just kept staring at the parking lot, just hoping i'd see him walk by. But i didn't at all. I missed 2 trains, but he still wasn't there. I went back downstairs, hoping to see him downstairs, but he wasn't. I was disappointed, but what was i actually hoping for?
I went back at around 9.40 pm, and the train was really quiet. When i wanted to exchange the train from Masjid Jamek to BTS, 3 guys blocked my way when i wanted to go in and just stared at me. After a few seconds he let me pass and laughed at his guy friend.
Tbh, i kind of thought Arman would've sent me back. Even parents and best friends thought so. But he had a curfew and he had debate trainings. I can't blame him for that.
I took the taxi back home and arrived at around 10.30 - 10.40 pm. And the memories of that day and past dates decided to flood my mind again. I slept around 12 - 1 am last night, just thinking.
What am i actually expecting?
Comments
Post a Comment
Comment: